Witch For Hire
by Felinephoenix
Summary: Luna Lovegood, unofficial Order spy, is working for the Weasley twins. Has Fred lost his mind? Will George kill him for it? Is the ever-dotty one in over her head? And what's this of missing Aurors and attacks by You-Know-Who?


Author's Note: I'm not really sure what to say except that this is going to be my first HP series and already I fear it's horrid and OOC, but I still hope you give it a try. If anyone could give me some pointers, that would be fantastic. Constructive criticism is always appreciated.

**

Witch for HireChapter One  
The Quibbler, Aurors, and Chocolate Frogs 

**

Luna Lovegood chewed on her cocktail onion and flipped to the next page of _The Quibbler_.

How in the world anyone could miss the obvious connection between Crumple-Horned Snorkacks, Blubbering Humdingers, and Egyptian wizards was beyond her comprehension.  
It could be because the Snorkack stories had been pushed a bit to the side in recent years for the stories about the Ministry's Dragon Army. Which was more important, Luna had to admit, than the disastrous effects of Cleopatra and her pet Humdingers.  
Still, if only people would open their eyes and see the truth...

"That's a load of rubbish, you know." Piped up Luna's fellow shopkeeper.  
"I really don't appreciate you reading over my shoulder." The once-Ravenclaw murmured. "And it's not a load of rubbish, George Weasley."  
The redhead shrugged. "If you say so." Then he doused the flaming cauldron in the back of the room.

Luna just frowned and began re-reading the article. She had come to accept that her new bosses were just, well, _clueless_ about the secrets of the wizarding world. It was tragic seeing such clever young minds shut out the most obvious of insights but there was nothing she could do about it.

"Luna."

Nothing at all.

"Luna."

Such a shame, really.

"_Luna_."

So tragic they couldn't see it.

"Luna!"

The doe-eyed girl lifted her head and her eyes met that of recent employer, one George Weasley, who was looking quite ready to jinx her pretty little head.

"Yes?" She asked.  
"Could you please put that away and help me clean up a bit?"  
Luna sighed and closed the pages of _The Quibbler_ and got up on her feet. "I suppose so." She demurred. "After all, I don't think those Chocolate Frogs are supposed to do that."  
"What Chocolate Frogs?" Asked George. Luna pointed and George's jaw dropped open.  
"Is that even...I don't think that's how frogs do that." He croaked.  
"No, it's not." Luna agreed. "There really should be Chocolate Tadpoles by now."  
George blinked. "I told Fred putting them in the potions was a bad idea."  
"Do you mean the love potions in the back?" Luna wondered.  
"Yes, I mean the--" George's eyes widened. "How did you know about those?"  
Completely ignoring his question, the girl offered some advice. "They're illegal, you know, you really should get rid of them."  
"Yes. _Illegal._" The twin seethed in his talking-to-lunatics voice. "That's why they're in the _back_."

Luna decided not to comment and hit the mating frogs with a stunning spell instead. The "semi-illegal" activities that the owners of Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes engaged in for the sake of "business interests" were none of her business.  
Besides, who cared about potion laws when You-Know-Who was on the loose?

Remembering the reason she'd truly come to be employed here (aside from being fresh out of Hogwarts and needing to eat), Luna grimaced.

"Accio Quibbler!" She called absentmindedly, sending the magazine speeding towards her and ducking just in time to avoid getting hit in the face.

George was not so quick.

"Sorry." Luna whispered. "It's fine." He told her from beneath the pages of the new Quibbler. "Hey, what's this about trolls?"

=--=

A few weeks ago, George would've just joked that Fred had lost his mind, but now he had proof.

Proof that came in the form of a dirty-blonde girl he remembered just a little from DA meetings and more vividly her nutcase attitude with the Order. Sure, he knew she was a friend of Ginny's and pretty comfortable with Ron and the others, _and_ that she was an accomplished witch and a damn good spy (at least, according to Tonks) but that didn't mean he didn't think Fred had lost the plot, _hiring_ her for chrissakes and letting her work in the shop as a cover.

Suffice to say, George's opinion hadn't changed much since the moment Fred had Apparated at the front desk with Loony Lovegood on his arm, announcing their new employment.

However, time changes things in her own little way and as much as he hated to admit it, the crazy wasn't that bad. She was a help around the store sometimes and she'd helped him with a few new products when he couldn't quite figure out what spells and jinxes to use with what. It turned out she really did have those fabled Ravenclaw brains after all, even with her dottiness -- which had its own upsides, like that one time with the snake and the knickers -- the look on her face had been priceless.

And it was nice having someone to talk to besides that wanker with his face. He could almost carry on normal human conversation with her as long as he could keep her from going on about Humblungers and kneazle armies.

And it was hard to hate someone who let you skive off work so you could take your girlfriend to your flat.

It was a hard truth to swallow, but George was almost fond of Luna. No denying she was irritating and loopy, but she was nice despite that, and the truth was: Once you got to know her, she grew on you. Then it got hard to not like Luna Lovegood.  
Harder still when she was out there fighting the fight, he reflected, that some wizards twice her age still wouldn't acknowledge.

And that some wizards, George thought with a scowl, joined too late.

=--=

"Oh, Fudge is building a troll army. He uses them execute his political foes." Luna told George, pulling the Quibbler off his face and tucking it under her arm.  
"A troll army?" George repeated. "Yes." There was a pause. "Fudge?" A nod. "Yes."  
"Luna, mate, you've gone off the deep end." Luna scowled at him and summoned the copulating Chocolate Frogs into her palm. George peeled the top frog away from its mate and bit off its head. Luna kept the bottom one and did likewise.  
The pair kept chewing on the frogs for a moment or two.  
Whilst eating Luna became very aware of this cute little dimple in George's right cheek, which just added to the attractiveness of his face...and George was finding himself stunned at Luna's big blue eyes and her slender hands...

Both of them drew the Chocolate Frogs away from their lips.

"Those were still in the potion, weren't they?" George asked a blushing Luna. She nodded.  
George snatched the frog from Luna's hands. "Right, let's get rid of them, then. _Obliviate!_"  
The frogs vanished into thin air and George gave Luna a sheepish smile. "Sorry about that." The blonde shook her head. "No, it's my fault, I-I, um, took them right out of the potion, and--" George shook his head. "Calm down." He told his co-worker, putting a hand on her shoulder, "It was just an accident and it's not like we were about to snog or anything. It could've gone loads worse."  
Luna let out a loud, screeching, nervous chuckle, which caused George to jump away from her as if she were a radioactive squid. "I was staring at your _dimple!_" She shrieked, holding her sides as she sunk down into a nearby chair.  
"I have a dimple?" George wondered. Luna responded with a loud snort.

That was when the door slammed open and both the Undercover Auror and the Joke Shop Proprietor turned to face another red-haired man standing in the doorway.

"I'm back." Said Fred, his arms full of various ingredients, "What's her problem?"

=--=

Once Luna had composed herself (which had taken quite a while as she kept giggling every time she looked at George's face) and Fred had managed to put away all the new supplies he had acquired on his trip to Diagon Alley, the employers and employee of Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes were all sitting in the upstairs attic (which also doubling as Luna's bedchamber) with glasses of pumpkin juice.  
And this time, they were talking business.

"I chatted with Angelina today," Fred announced, issuing a snort from his twin brother, who then chucked a Canary Cream at him. George ducked, Luna caught the candy, and Fred continued. "Anyway," Fred coughed and glared at George, "I talked to Angelina and I got some good news. She threw in a recommendation for our little shop in the Daily Prophet."  
"You mean that piece of junk we no longer subscribe to?" George asked.  
Fred wished for something else to throw at him. "Yeah, that one." He scowled.  
"So you got your shag buddy, I mean girlfriend, to give us a free advertisement in the Wizarding World's most horrible paper, Luna's dad excluded. Good job, Gred." George said with a shit-eating grin, followed by a loud "Ow!" due to the combined force of Fred's wand and Luna's Quibbler hitting him upside the head.  
"That's not all, you stupid git." Fred hissed, picking his wand back up.  
"If you'd listen, I've got more to tell you." And at this, Fred grinned, "Seems our sales are going up."  
He gave a congratulatory wand swish in Luna's direction. "Those hats were a great idea. Thanks for that."  
"Well, you are paying me to help around here." Luna said dreamily, picking up her glass.  
"Oh, speaking of, we did try those "Special Frogs" today." George blurted out.  
"Dimple." Luna whispered under her breath as she tried to hide a giggle. A disgruntled expression passed across George's face.

Fred raised an eyebrow and took a sip of his juice. "So that's what that was all about, then?"  
"No, Fred, we had wild, passionate hipprogriff sex right in the middle of the shop." George deadpanned. Fred choked. Luna squealed and fell off her bed.  
"That," Fred sputtered, "was not funny!"  
"Oh, yes it was." George said, to which Luna added, "You looked ready to explode."  
Then she raised herself back into a seating position about an inch or two away from the Non-Choking-Weasley's Chair. "The dosage seems fine." She said, placing her wand behind her ear, "But there's a mating problem you need to work out."  
Fred turned to George, flabbergasted. "They _mate?_"  
"'Fraid so, mate."  
"That's perverted and disturbing."  
"Yeah, it really is." George agreed, then looked down at the eccentric woman. "What about you, Luna? Did anything you can actually tell us about?"

"I might have." Luna contemplated as she stood up to address the twins.

"I've checked my source, and he...we...may have information on Kingsley's disappearance."


End file.
